Negligence

Can you be reported for neglecting your blog? I hope not. If so, I am going away for awhile. Of course, the fact that I have been negligent with my blog is really only an indication that I have been negligent in other areas as well. In most areas, in fact. I didn't go to meeting this past weekend. I told myself I was just too busy and overslept, etc... but those were, in fact, lies. I woke up in time to go to the earliest meeting and purposefully ignored my alarm. I told myself I would get up in time to go to the 2nd meeting, but in the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn't. And I didn't. When I woke up again it was 15 minutes before the 2nd meeting starts. I still could have gone. I was clean. I just needed to throw on clothes and go. Shawn was up. He would have watched the kids like every week. And I live within a stones throw of the center anyway. And it's not like you aren't allowed to be late... But I rationalized and justified in my own mind until I felt OK with not going. Really... the bottom line... I didn't want to go.


It's not that I have been overeating or completely ignoring healthy choices. I haven't. It's that I haven't made any effort to track. Any effort to measure and weigh food. Any effort to be OP. And while I know I haven't done horribly, I know I haven't done right either. I'm not sure if I've gained or lost. It really could be either at this point. The week before last I was down 2 lbs and I hadn't really been tracking that week either. So, I could be down. But I could be up as well. It's so hard to judge with no record to go back to. I know, I know... that is the POINT of tracking, right??


I have also been procrastinating about going to meeting because my leader, whom I loved, Kelly, is no longer my leader. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she was not able to continue leading meetings here along with the billion other she does in Peoria and surrounding towns. So that has me really bummed. I know it seems stupid but I really get attached to leaders that I like and when they have to leave, for whatever reason, it's hard for me to give the new leader a chance. I know, it's wrong and I shouldn't be that way.


2 weeks ago when our new leader (who's name I don't even know) had her first meeting (the week I was recently down 2 lbs) I only weighed in. I was running late that week also, due to purposeful procrastination) and I, again, rationalized and justified that since I was already late and my mom was coming to town that day to visit and I needed to clean, and, and, and... that I should just weigh in and go. I was expecting a gain and was pleased to find out I was wrong. I got my 16 week award that week too. But I just didn't stay.


So here it is, Thursday, and meeting is in 2 days and I am trying to psyche myself up to go. I need to find out the status of my weight and how much damage I might have caused myself these past couple of weeks. I need to give our new leader a chance and stop being so childish about this. I might love her. You never know, right? I'm just so irritated with myself and this little stale-mate I am having with myself. How DO you go about winning a stand-off with yourself? How do you know who flinches first?? Grrrr.... arrrrg. 


Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am being so silly about this. I don't want to go backward. I don't want to self-sabotage. I need to just keep moving forward. I think I need a kick in the.... well, you know where this is going. Anyone have a spare foot??