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Hello from The littlest Woodson!

As the world turns, I am somewhat young and a little restless. But these are the days of my life and I love all my children.

So, you see a theme in the title, eh? I don't really watch soaps much. Well, let me quantify that. I USED to watch several of them. Now, I really only watch The Young & The Restless. And sometimes I think that is more for sentimentality than anything.

When I was a kid, my mom was a teacher and every summer when she was home, she would always watch Guiding Light and The Young & The Restless. Y&R became like a staple in our home. And my neighbor (and best friend)'s mom also watched it. So when she and I were about Jr. High aged, we started wathing it together during the summers also. And so it lives on. I DVR Y&R everyday. So sad, but true.

Anyway, that really has nothing to do with anything except to say that as I was watching it the other day it got me to reminescing in my own mind about my childhood and the things I most remember. And then I started thinking about my own children and what things they might remember someday.

My oldest child is going to be 6 in about 2 weeks. I am so proud of her and so excited for her, as she is very excited to be turning 6 also. But as I was sitting there thinking, I started remembering her birth and when she was 18 months old, and when she was 2 (which is the age of our current youngest). And it suddenly struck me that, though she has several years of growing left to do in our home, turning 6 and starting 1st grade next year really marks the end of the first official "stage" of her life. She is becoming a big kid. She has outside influences and friends now. She is learning things about the world that her dad and I are not teaching her, just through experiencing the world. And while she is still plenty naive and precious, a certain amount of her naivety is gone now.

Michaela Mary, 1 1/2 months old.

I couldn't help but start crying. Not because I wanted to keep her little forever or because I think that her life isn't going to turn out wonderfully. Mostly because it suddenly made me keenly aware of how quickly time passes. I wasn't ready to be done with that part yet. There were still too many days at home I wanted to have with her. There were still too many silly songs I wanted to sing and board books I wanted to read without hearing, "Oh mom, I'm too big for that now" or "Really mom, I'd rather watch Strawberry Shortcake right now".

Michaela Mary, 5 years old.

My daughter still likes to cuddle. She still likes to read books with me and sing songs with me. But they are chapter books now. And the songs are starting to get a little more grown up.

But then I thought, I have to embrace this stage for everything it is and enjoy every second of it now or I will turn around and it will be gone too.

So we are baking together. And crafting together. And I want to teach her to crochet now. And she is learning to be a young lady. We are reading "Little House on the Prairie" together. And we are sharing stories and jokes together and laughing. And I love this stage with my daughter, regardless of how much I may miss the previous stage.

And, it made me very aware of how much I need to stop and enjoy the young stage that my 2 year old and my 4 year old are both currently in right now. I will always charish the memories. I just want to make sure I am making plenty of them to take with me. And for them to keep also.

Michaela (5), Christopher (4), and McKenzie (20 months)

Stop and enjoy your life now. You only get to do it once.

7-Super-Foods-that-you-Shouldn-t-Live-Without | All-Nutrition-Artcles | Nutrition

7-Super-Foods-that-you-Shouldn-t-Live-Without | All-Nutrition-Artcles | Nutrition

This is a great article about overall nutrition. Whatever your dietary plan, this article will be useful, educational, and inspiring. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

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A Rough Week

The title says it all. It, indeed, has been a rough week. Total, I have lost almost 9 lbs in 1 month. I should be glad about that but I am having trouble not feeling like I should have lost more, mostly because I know I could have lost more. I've gained once (well, likely twice though I haven't weighed in yet today to know this week's results). And both times, they were gains that easily could have been avoided had I made more effort to make better choices.



I realize there are going to be days and weeks when life gets the better of me. I know that this is an endeavour to make changes that are going to last a lifetime, not just lose the weight now.



I am having trouble letting go of the past. I am still hung-up on the fact that I had lost 60 lbs (and worked VERY hard to do so) and then gained it all back. I have still not been able to fully get my heart engaged in the endeavor the way that it was the last time. I can't seem to get myself engaged for much of anything right now, for that matter. My bad choices haven't only been connected to food these days.



I need focus and discipline. And I am not doing a very good job of achieving them.



Grrrrr. Arrrrgh.

Epic Fail Turned Epic Motivation

This week started out strong but it ended rather unsuccessfully. I love this time of year (as mentioned in my previous post). The thing about this time of year that is hard for me though is all the baked goods and treats that everyone wants to send into your house. I know people mean well and intend it in a loving manner. And if I were a typical person who had a normal relationship with food, it wouldn't matter. But when someone sends, lets say, a loaf of pumpkin bread, home to me, it turns into a weapon for me to sabotage myself with. It's not anyone else's fault; it is purely my own.

So at about the middle of my weight watchers week (which starts on Thursday and ends on Wednesday), I had several obstacles jump into my path. At first I dealt with them pretty well. But over the course of a couple days it started to dramatically disintegrate. My resolve broke down and I experienced an epic fail. And it showed on the scale this morning too. I was up 1.4 lbs. Normally, a gain wouldn't affect me so dramatically but this really hit me hard. I think because it is only my second week back. I felt like, "If I can't at least have a few successful weeks at the beginning, how do I stand a chance?"

But now I have made the decision to face things for what they are.

First, I did not make the effort necessary to renew my mind every day this past week (WW week, that is). I know that in order to experience lasting success, I have to continually be renewing my mind in the Word of God. I did not. And that was the very beginning of my epic fail.

Second, at some point, I decided  to stop trying. Somewhere in my mind, I let the adversary convince me that I had already lost the battle for this week and I might as well give in. This was a tragic mistake that I will not be repeating.

Lastly, I may have lost this battle but I will not lose this war. My focus and determination wavered and that may occasionally happen again. But I refuse to let go of the foresight to understand that just because I experience a set-back, I do not have to experience total failure. I am a child of God. I am blessed. I have everything I need to be successful already inside of me; I only have to believe and be determined to live like I do. I will be successful.

So I am moving forward. I tracked my weight. I am putting this dreadful week behind me and I am moving on. I will succeed. I hope that you will adopt the same attitude if you are experiencing set-backs. If it knocks you down, get back up and keep fighting. It is most definitely worth it.

The Beauty God Made

This is not really weight or weight-loss related but I felt the need to post. I have developed a slight addiction to Pinterest. Recently, I have been pinning photos of gorgeous places around the world that I have either been to or would love to some day visit. They are extremely varied in climate, scenery, location, terrain, etc., but they are all breathtaking. I want to share of few of them with you.

Bali

The British Countryside

Boundary Waters Canoe Area, Minnesota

Chile

Durango, Colorado

French Coast

Irish Coast

Mount Roraimo, Venezuela

Nepal

New River Gorge, West Virginia

Scottish Highlands

Svalbard

Rural China

Thailand

Morocco



I guess the point of this quaint post is to say that I am stunned by the beauty that God has surrounded us with. There is nowhere you can go on this planet and not find something of inexplicable, natural beauty. Seasons change, people are born and die each day, and yet Earth never stops shining with beauty. Take sometime to be thankful for nature and the awesome creation that is life.

A Season of Thankfulness

I love Autumn. It is my favorite time of year. The weather, the activities, the holidays, the colors, and yes, the food. :) But, without a doubt, my favorite thing about Autumn is that it is a time to be thankful.

I had a good first week back on track with WW. It had been much too long and I had gained all of the weight back that I had originally lost. I am starting new. And my first weigh-in was a success; I was down 7.2 lbs! Whoot whoot!

But more than the celebration, I am thankful. There are so many things for which I am thankful. My husband, my children, my friends & family, my job, my home, etc. The list could go on and on.

I am thankful that God gives me the patience and the determintation necessary to keep going, despite set-backs. I am thankful that I am able to participate in a program that gives me all the tools I need to succeed. And I am thankful that I have a heavenly Father who loves me, despite my flaws and my sinful nature.

God is great and mighty in power. (Psalm 147:5). This was my daughter's memory verse for AWANA this week. It keeps ringing in my ears throughout the day. This is bigger than me. This is about what God has given me the ability to achieve. I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13). This one is in my ears all day as well.

So I have decided to praise God because He is mighty in power and gives me the ability to do everything I need to do in His son, Jesus Christ. This is my focus. And now I'm moving forward.

I don't know what to say...

... so I guess I'll blog it. In the past year, I have gained back every single pound of the approximately 60 lbs I had previously lost (and likely, plus more.) I have known this for a while, hence my silence on blogger. I feel like I've let down so many people who took motivation from my success. More importantly, I know I've let myself and my husband and kids down.

    I'm not just putting myself at risk; I'm gambling with their futures. Losing a parent can not be easy. I am blessed not to know from personal experience yet at this point in my life. However, I can't imagine losing one simply because she couldn't stop herself from eating herself to death.

    My joints hurts, my back aches, and I've even injured my ankles and feet going up and down my stairs everyday. But still I do nothing about it. And tonight, in a last ditch attempt to find out exactly how much I do now weigh and start doing something about it, I found out that I exceed the maximum weight limit for the Wii Fit.

    I really don't know what to do anymore. I know what needs to be done. I know I needs to be done now. But I feel like I am drowning. I don't know why I compulsively eat, what triggers it, how to stop it, etc. I will go all day until 2pm and have not eaten anything and then, when I do finally eat, it's terrible choices.

    I am headed down a really bad road and I need to turn around and run the other direction. I could really use the support and prayers of anyone out there reading this. Thank you.

These Are the Days of Our Lives

Time seems to be flying by at lightening speed. It feels like just yesterday my husband and I welcomed our first baby into the world. I looked down for just a second, lifted my head back up, and now she is 5 and starting kindergarten in 1 month. It seems impossible. I fought the good fight of potty training with out beautiful 3 year-old son. He is now completely potty trained and, while it certainly makes life easier and I am so very proud of him, it also comes with a sense that he is no longer my baby boy... he is growing into a young little man everyday. That also seems impossible. And now I am watching our 16 month old become more of a toddler and less of a baby everyday; walking, making her attempts at talking, and having her own opinion on what she would like to do and where she would like to go. This seems incredibly impossible.

But all of this growing up and gaining independence on their part is teaching me something very important about myself... I need to find my own identity outside of just being their mom. In hindsight, I realize that I have always struggled with knowing who I am... truly who I am. I think when we had Michaela that I latched on to the role of being "mom" and didn't look back. It was a built-in identity.

This past April, I turned 30. I am going back to school and working full-time again. I learned to knit and crochet and am making an attempt at learning to sew as well. And while I love all of these things, they are not who I am. I think that my inability to connect with my true sense of who I am is one of the things that has contributed to my weight issues throughout my life.

So here I am, 30 years-old with beautiful children and an amazing husband; with talents, gifts, and abilities that I am very proud to have; with responsibilities and duties that I enjoy doing; but none of which are my identity. I recently watched the film Julie & Julia (which I loved) and it struck me while watching it: it seems from an outside point of view that both Julie and Julia were searching for themselves and, in some way, found their identity through food, but in a healthy way that created something beautiful through the process. This is what I am looking for; a healthy way to find my sense of who I am that creates something beautiful and worthwhile to share with the world.

And maybe I can find a way to lose some weight while I'm at it. Because I'm not seeing a lot of success just sitting in this same state of ambiguous wandering.

I am Out of Clever Titles

It has been a wretched few months. I had, at my best point, lost almost 60 lbs. I finally weighed-in yesterday and I am back to having only lost 26 lbs. I didn't realize it when I was actually on the scale because I didn't really pay attention while she was getting my weight logged and all my papers for the week.

But then I sat down.

As I looked at my weight tracker, I realized what the numbers actually said. It literally took my brain almost a full minute to register what it said. I had gained a little over 10 lbs in about 2 1/2 weeks. Tears were stinging the backs of my eyes and I thought I was just going to bawl. I managed to maintain composure during the meeting. It  might have been better for me if I hadn't. I'm not big with the crying in public thing though.

I got myself home, digesting the topics for the week that we discussed during the meeting. I thought I had processed it all. I was wrong.

As soon as I walked in the door and Shawn asked me how it went, I just broke down. Anger at myself. Shame. Guilt for not setting a better example for my children. Guilt for not feeding my children better food than I had been. I couldn't even begin to process all the emotions I was dealing with.

I opened my online tracker, logged my weight, updated my points plus totals, and started tracking my intake. I tracked the whole day. I weighed and measured my food. I got up this morning and continued to track and weigh and measure everything. It seemed so easy for something that had become so hard. I still don't understand what it is inside my brain that makes the difference. I don't understand why I can be so focused and so diligent and it be so easy for such a long time and then it just all breaks down and everything becomes hard. If I understood the trigger, maybe I could change it. Maybe it would at least help me cope with and overcome the harder times.

I WILL get this done. I WILL lose this weight (again). I WILL be successful. This has just been a reminder that this is going to take some time and it will be a life-long task to maintain my success.

New Directions (Glee pun intended)

I have gained 18 lbs since July. I finally weighed-in yesterday. Irritated does not begin to describe how I feel. That is a really large chunk of time. If I had taken that time to continue losing weight, calculated by the rate at which I was losing previous to it, I could have lost another 30-40 lbs in that time! Instead, I gained 18.

I know, I know... it could have been worse. And I take that to heart, seriously. I take some comfort in the fact that I have apparently learned SOMETHING from all my time at WW's now. At least I curbed my weight gain more than I would have previously.

So I am on track with PointsPlus and I have been tracking the last 2 days. Shawn and I attended a company Christmas party last night and I tracked everything I ate. We are headed out to go Christmas shopping in the next hour or so and I know we are eating out. So I have already tracked my meal at Cracker Barrel. My points are figured for the day and I am pleased.

It's amazing how taking control of my weight-loss issues makes me feel more in-control of the rest of my life. I think that it's a circular problem. When I am not managing my weight, it makes the rest of my life feel like it is spiraling out of control as well. But I often stop managing my weight because  other things in my life are spiraling out of control. I think this is the center problem.

I am learning more and more that I am not capable of keeping things from spinning out. I have to make God the center of my life and let HIM be in control. I am capable of change. But it will only be lasting change if I let God be the center of it.

What Am I Doing?

This is what it comes down to. How badly do I want this? I know all the reasons I "want" to lose weight. I know how much emotion I pour into the tears that eat me up when I think about the way I have let myself get. But, at the end of the day, how much do I really want this? In the past 6 months, I have done very little about my weight loss. I have gained some weight back. About 20 lbs, I think, though I have not attended a meeting or weighed-in in about 3 weeks so I am not entirely sure. I make effort to keep my total caloric intake below a certain range most days but I make very little effort to make that caloric intake consist of healthy choices. Bad habits take over and I just let them. I don't fully understand the psychological warfare that I have engaged myself in. I just let my brain run on auto-pilot instead of making myself stop, focus, and think before making food and activity choices. 

I know, logically, that I NEED to get back on track and do something about this. But, lately, I haven't really WANTED to. So, it comes down to this: what is more important to me, what I NEED or what I WANT? My misplaced priorities are very, very slowly killing me. It's the very very part that tends to make this less important to me than it should be. I guess I just can't see the forest for the trees. I am smarter than this. Why can't I motivate myself to act like it? 

Child of Mine

I originally wrote this in 2006 for my daughter, Michaela. I found it while looking through old posts and wanted to re-post it, for all 3 of my babies. I love them so much.

Every time I look at your face
All I see is love.
Love for you, love for your daddy,
love that brought your life to breath.

Your smile is amazing;
It is full of my smile.
Your eyes shine so bright;
they are full of your father.

Everything about you makes me whole.

I hear your small voice
and if fills my heart with a smile.
You are so amazing.

God has blessed me.
You are my blessing.
I love you.
© Jen Woodson, 2006

Kayla, 2006

Christopher, 2007

McKenzie, 2010

Negligence

Can you be reported for neglecting your blog? I hope not. If so, I am going away for awhile. Of course, the fact that I have been negligent with my blog is really only an indication that I have been negligent in other areas as well. In most areas, in fact. I didn't go to meeting this past weekend. I told myself I was just too busy and overslept, etc... but those were, in fact, lies. I woke up in time to go to the earliest meeting and purposefully ignored my alarm. I told myself I would get up in time to go to the 2nd meeting, but in the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn't. And I didn't. When I woke up again it was 15 minutes before the 2nd meeting starts. I still could have gone. I was clean. I just needed to throw on clothes and go. Shawn was up. He would have watched the kids like every week. And I live within a stones throw of the center anyway. And it's not like you aren't allowed to be late... But I rationalized and justified in my own mind until I felt OK with not going. Really... the bottom line... I didn't want to go.


It's not that I have been overeating or completely ignoring healthy choices. I haven't. It's that I haven't made any effort to track. Any effort to measure and weigh food. Any effort to be OP. And while I know I haven't done horribly, I know I haven't done right either. I'm not sure if I've gained or lost. It really could be either at this point. The week before last I was down 2 lbs and I hadn't really been tracking that week either. So, I could be down. But I could be up as well. It's so hard to judge with no record to go back to. I know, I know... that is the POINT of tracking, right??


I have also been procrastinating about going to meeting because my leader, whom I loved, Kelly, is no longer my leader. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she was not able to continue leading meetings here along with the billion other she does in Peoria and surrounding towns. So that has me really bummed. I know it seems stupid but I really get attached to leaders that I like and when they have to leave, for whatever reason, it's hard for me to give the new leader a chance. I know, it's wrong and I shouldn't be that way.


2 weeks ago when our new leader (who's name I don't even know) had her first meeting (the week I was recently down 2 lbs) I only weighed in. I was running late that week also, due to purposeful procrastination) and I, again, rationalized and justified that since I was already late and my mom was coming to town that day to visit and I needed to clean, and, and, and... that I should just weigh in and go. I was expecting a gain and was pleased to find out I was wrong. I got my 16 week award that week too. But I just didn't stay.


So here it is, Thursday, and meeting is in 2 days and I am trying to psyche myself up to go. I need to find out the status of my weight and how much damage I might have caused myself these past couple of weeks. I need to give our new leader a chance and stop being so childish about this. I might love her. You never know, right? I'm just so irritated with myself and this little stale-mate I am having with myself. How DO you go about winning a stand-off with yourself? How do you know who flinches first?? Grrrr.... arrrrg. 


Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am being so silly about this. I don't want to go backward. I don't want to self-sabotage. I need to just keep moving forward. I think I need a kick in the.... well, you know where this is going. Anyone have a spare foot?? 

Walnuts Are Evil... And Other Ruminations

Why does such a delicious food, that is really very good for you, have to be SO high in fat?? Grrr... Even healthy foods hate me.


I am up 5.6 lbs this week. I find this shocking. According to my meeting leader, it can't all possibly be 5 lbs of fat gained in a week. She thinks I am retaining some fluid, which I hope is true. Truthfully, I didn't have a horrible week but I didn't have a solid awesome one either. I was expecting to maintain or possibly, at the most, gain 1 lb. I almost fell off of the scale when I saw it. And then I wanted to cry. And then I wanted to scream. Instead, I walked to my seat and waited for the meeting to start. Very quietly.


I found, however, that by the end of the meeting, I felt a lot better. It wasn't necessarily the topic. It wasn't one of those moments where something just spoke to me. It was more the feeling of community, the laughter, the stories, the advice and ideas, etc... that made me feel... well .... not alone. 


Last week I accomplished my 50 lbs lost. I was actually at 54lbs lost. I wasn't able to stay for the meeting last week and celebrate with everyone so, instead, I asked to share it this week with everyone. That made me feel a lot better also. It made me realize, in that moment, that just because I was up this week - and even though I don't completely understand why I am up as much as I am this week - it doesn't abolish my accomplishments to this point. It can't take away the work I have done and the success I have had. I am still 2 sizes smaller than I was when I started. I am still 50 lbs lighter (almost) than I was when I started. I am still much healthier than I was when I started - both physically and mentally. And, most importantly, I still like myself A LOT more than I did when I started. 


So, here is the lesson kids -- pay attention now... I am determined not to let the scale, or any other temporary set back for that matter, stop me. I am still going to take this 1 day at a time. Good decision by good decision. Bad decision by bad decision. And, when all else fails, I am going to continue to at least show up for meetings because, no matter the topic, they always seem to make me feel better and recharged. 

Doing the 2-Step

I'm not sure which is more frustrating - being up this week or knowing that it is my own doing. I am disappointed in myself for not doing better. I have it within me, I have proven that. The fact remains that this past week, and the week before for that matter, I just didn't really try very hard. Life got chaotic and stressful and I decided that it was easier to just slide by than to put in the effort to make it work even though things were harder than usual. This is more irritating and disappointing to me than the added 3 lbs from the past 2 weeks. 

I know that this battle will never be over and I will be facing this for the rest of my life. But I feel like if I am not at least able to start dealing with stress a bit more effectively than I demonstrated this past couple of weeks then my success will only go so far. I am tired of feeling like I take 3 steps forward only to take 2 steps back.

So this is what I need to spend some time on... why do I react to stressors with food every time? I think it's going to take some thought and time. Thank you to everyone out there who is so supportive of me. I will see a total of 50 lbs lost by the end of this month. I am determined. Best wishes and loser vibes to you all!

Jen

Derailed

Why is it that every time I achieve a major milestone in my weight loss, the following week I allow myself to be completely derailed?? It seems I get so excited about my success (rightfully so) that I lose focus. I have BARELY tracked this week but, even without a record to review, I know it has not been good. I am making my best effort at being OP the rest of the week but weigh in is in 3 days and I am dreading it. I finally got myself under 300 lbs and now I am concerned that I could gain enough this week to put me back over. :( I need a good swift kick in the butt. Any volunteers?

A Major Celebration!

I was down 2.4 lbs this week which put me under 300 lbs for the first time in 6 years! I am SOOOOO excited. I know I still have a very long way to go but minor victories are the key to my success! Thank you to everyone who is so supportive of me and always have such wonderful things to say to keep me going. You are all wonderful! I hope everyone has a terrific and successful week!

Say Wha??

I could not possibly begin to explain how but after meeting/weigh-in this morning, I am down 1.4 lbs. That makes a total of 46.8 total lost. I am very excited and glad but I am now sure how I am down after the week I had. Of course, I suppose it is possible that my perception of my week was worse than the week actually was. Who knows. I am grateful and feel blessed and I am moving on. The reset button has been pushed and I am ready to start fresh with a new week!

Reset Button

A couple of days ago my Directv DVR box froze on me. I hate it when that happens. It would not turn on or off. The guide wouldn't come up. My playlist wouldn't start. It was still playing what I was watching but I couldn't go forward, backward, etc. I was thouroughlly annoyed. After being irritated with it for about 5 minutes, I finally hit the reset button. After about 5 minutes of rebooting, everything was back to normal. Finally! Still though, how annoying. Electronics really irk me because they always seem to be fluctuating between working wonderfully and total malfunction.


This is how I have felt this week. Frozen. I couldn't get my positive actions turned on, nor my negative ones turned off. I seemed stuck in a state of malfunction or, rather in my case, dysfunction. I need a reset button. 


Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am REALLY not wanting to go. But, I am. I have to. I think this will be my reset button. I have to see the bad number on the scale to really make it concrete that I have to keep on keeping on every single day.


So here I go. I'm done being irritated and I'm off the couch headed to the reset button. I'm going to let everything reboot over night tonight and tomorrow is a brand new day. I am determined to be transformed by the renewing of my mind! Good morning tomorrow. You are a welcome friend.

Bagel Chips and Failure Face

Staring into the bottom of the empty bagel chips bag, I realized that this never ends. 45 lbs down and I see that I will never stop having this battle with food. I will never reach a point where I don't have the overwhelming urge to eat my emotions. It's so frustrating... where did I put that cheesecake? (Just kidding. Kind of.) 


My stress level has been high this week. McKenzie, bless her little heart, has been extremely fussy. Either her reflux is bothering her or she is starting to teethe a little. At 3 months old, it's hard to get a definitive answer. She has barely let me put her down which has not allowed me to stick with my routine at all. As one who CRAVES daily routine in order to achieve success, this has been critical. I have not been able to exercise this week. My food choices have been based on what is quick and easy instead of healthy and energizing. I have not been measuring/weighing my food choices as much in order to just get it done and get to the eating part. In general, I have not really been completely OP ("On Program, for all you non-weight watcher-ers). 


I haven't gone over my weekly points and I have tracked everything I've put in my mouth to the best of my estimation. (I say estimation since, as I stated, I've not been weighing/measuring.) These are good things. But I keep feeling like Lucy is standing over my shoulder yelling "failure face, Charlie Brown" and I just can't kick this self-abusive way of seeing myself as having blown it. 

Why is it that when I am not "on weight watchers" I make little effort to control what I eat or how active I am and feel absolutely nothing about it one way or the other (at least nothing that I will allow myself to feel or think about). Yet, as soon as I "join" weight watchers, I put this list of rules on myself like I am expecting OP perfection every day and feel like I am a huge failure if I don't achieve it. I'm not a robot. I'm going to have bad days and bad weeks and (hopefully not often, but realistically, occasionally) bad months. 


So now comes the part where I "pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again", right? 

If I think about it logically, I know that I haven't done THAT badly. But I don't want ANY badly. I don't want to go to meeting on Saturday and have to step on the scale and have my meeting leader see that I gained weight... possibly. I do want to go to meeting on Saturday, get my 5lb star and my 50 lb washer/key chain thingy and the round of applause from the group that makes me feel better about myself. Wow, am I THAT needy?? Really? Maybe I should look into that some more...


I know I will get under this 50 lbs lost mark. I know I will get my weight to a number that doesn't start with a "3"... sooner rather than later. It just might not be this week. I have to accept that. 

A New Blog for A New Day

I have revamped my blog and am getting things organized. I will be adding many more features to my blog over time but the idea is to eventually replace my weebly website with my blog site altogether. For those of you who follow me here, nothing much should really change. For those following elsewhere, please be patient as I streamline everything together. As this auto-posts multiple places, I am going to include the link for those elsewhere to follow here. My Blog. As always, thank you to all of you for the continued support and friendship. It means so much. You are all amazing.

As Ever,

Jen

Forward Momentum

I follow a few different blogs on blogspot.com (where I also blog). Some are friends but several are other people whom I have randomly met who are facing this same journey that I am... taking off a very large amount of weight. One in particular is a gentleman who started at around 500 lbs and is now down to just above 300 lbs. He is such an inspiration! He recently posted on his blog that he was having a particularly bad week and was trying to recover without doing more damage than he had already done. He was frustrated with himself, which I could relate to. He was talking about how he wanted so badly to be under 300 lbs and he was SO close. I REALLY related to that. I did this same thing with getting past my first 25 lbs and now I seem to be doing it with 50 lbs as well (which will happen to take me under 300 also!) I am SOOOO close (2.6 lbs away from under 300 and 5lbs away from 50 lbs total). 3 weeks ago I was 1 lbs away from being under 300 and instead of knocking it out of the park, I put on 2. So here I am, SO close again and I am determined to follow through. I understand his frustration though. This maddening and hard to understand tendency to self-sabotage makes no sense to me! I am going to conquer it though. I refuse to let ANYTHING stop me... especially myself! Good for my friend for blogging even when things are going badly and I know that he and I will both beat out goals!

down, down, down!

I am down 6.2 lbs this week for a total weight loss of 46.2 lbs so far! I am so excited. I love having a really successful week because it makes me feel motivated to keep on keeping on! I am starting to get back into my excercise/activity routine. It is starting to really pay off and I am really starting to enjoy it as well. Not to mention that I feel SOOOO much better! I have a lot more energy and I have even noticed that I am starting to have more patience (much needed patience) with my kids. I have started to also really enjoy putting together fast and healthy breakfast options which make me feel much more energtized througout the day. Since I was never really a breakfast eater before, that is a major lifestyle change for me. Well, off I go to start another week. I am excited and I am ready for it to be a successful one!

Ready, Set, Go!

It has been almost a month since I have been back at Weight Watchers and things are going great! I have managed to eat through several large events without blowing my whole day or week. I am down almost 20 lbs since I left the hospital! I have also started my Wii Fit routine again and the inches are dropping off again. I am super excited and very motivated and happy to be feeling healthy. I have so much more energy and I just feel great! I can't wait to get my 50 lb washer achievment from Weight Watchers!!! Getting close!!!

Pregnancy Almost Over

Well, my c-section is in 1 week and I am very excited! Our new baby girl will be here SO soon! I am also excited because I have managed to maintain my weight throughout my entire pregnancy! I actually weigh the same thing today that I did the day I went for my first prenatal appointment! So, with the baby weight and water weight added to that, I have actually managed to lose some weight during my pregnancy! I am very excited. I am pumped and ready to get back on program with my fitness and food plan as soon as I am recovered from the c-section. It's getting here pretty quickly. The timing is great too because I will be "recovered" just in time for the awesome summer weather! God is indeed good! Thanks again to all my wonderful supporters and friends out there who have been thinking of and praying for me the last 9 months! Love you all!