What Am I Doing?

This is what it comes down to. How badly do I want this? I know all the reasons I "want" to lose weight. I know how much emotion I pour into the tears that eat me up when I think about the way I have let myself get. But, at the end of the day, how much do I really want this? In the past 6 months, I have done very little about my weight loss. I have gained some weight back. About 20 lbs, I think, though I have not attended a meeting or weighed-in in about 3 weeks so I am not entirely sure. I make effort to keep my total caloric intake below a certain range most days but I make very little effort to make that caloric intake consist of healthy choices. Bad habits take over and I just let them. I don't fully understand the psychological warfare that I have engaged myself in. I just let my brain run on auto-pilot instead of making myself stop, focus, and think before making food and activity choices. 

I know, logically, that I NEED to get back on track and do something about this. But, lately, I haven't really WANTED to. So, it comes down to this: what is more important to me, what I NEED or what I WANT? My misplaced priorities are very, very slowly killing me. It's the very very part that tends to make this less important to me than it should be. I guess I just can't see the forest for the trees. I am smarter than this. Why can't I motivate myself to act like it?