Romans 7 & Me

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. And that which I do not want to do, I do.”

This verse has stuck with me for years. And while I have allowed myself to wallow in my self-pity of this verse in wondering why I get stuck in this perpetual back and forth of wanting to live God’s Word but failing on a daily basis, I realized that I have never moved forward to Romans 8 in realizing that I am more than a conquerer. Now, that’s not to say that I have never read Romans 8. I have, many times. But I realized that I have never pushed myself forward to live in the truth of Romans 8. I am more comfortable to stay in the self-pity of Romans 7. (Please note that I do not presume to say that Paul was wallowing in self-pity when he wrote this verse. I mean that I use it as a crutch to feel sorry for myself that I continually do not do that which, in my heart, I desire to do. Oh, poor me, I am a sinner…)

I am tired of living like the world. I am tired of walking a back and forth tightrope of “acceptable Christian behavior”. What shows are ok to watch? What movies? What secular music to you deem appropriate, if any? Then it hit me, IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT. It’s about being different INSIDE. It’s about not wondering where the line is because your focus is shifted so far from worldly desires and topics that you don’t care where the line is. It’s about realizing that I don’t want to put anything toxic or poisioness into my brain and heart anymore than I would want to my own body. It’s about wanting to be like Christ.

When did I lose this focus and desire?? When did I forget why I believe in God? When did I lose sight of the sacrifice that He gave in giving His one and only son to die on a cross for me?? When did I stop paying attention to how miraculous it is that Christ raised and utterly destroyed death?!

“Lord, I want to yearn for You. I want to burn with passion over You; and only You. Lord, I want to yearn.” (Yearn by Shane & Shane, 2009)

I am moving forward to Romans 8. I am a victor, not a victim. I sin but I am forgiven.

“It’s good to be free. It’s good to be free from all the pain. It’s good to be free. It’s good to hear your say my new name. It’s good to be free. It’s good to know you have stood in the place of shame for me. It’s good to be free.” (It’s Good To Be Free by FFH, 1999).