Walnuts Are Evil... And Other Ruminations

Why does such a delicious food, that is really very good for you, have to be SO high in fat?? Grrr... Even healthy foods hate me.


I am up 5.6 lbs this week. I find this shocking. According to my meeting leader, it can't all possibly be 5 lbs of fat gained in a week. She thinks I am retaining some fluid, which I hope is true. Truthfully, I didn't have a horrible week but I didn't have a solid awesome one either. I was expecting to maintain or possibly, at the most, gain 1 lb. I almost fell off of the scale when I saw it. And then I wanted to cry. And then I wanted to scream. Instead, I walked to my seat and waited for the meeting to start. Very quietly.


I found, however, that by the end of the meeting, I felt a lot better. It wasn't necessarily the topic. It wasn't one of those moments where something just spoke to me. It was more the feeling of community, the laughter, the stories, the advice and ideas, etc... that made me feel... well .... not alone. 


Last week I accomplished my 50 lbs lost. I was actually at 54lbs lost. I wasn't able to stay for the meeting last week and celebrate with everyone so, instead, I asked to share it this week with everyone. That made me feel a lot better also. It made me realize, in that moment, that just because I was up this week - and even though I don't completely understand why I am up as much as I am this week - it doesn't abolish my accomplishments to this point. It can't take away the work I have done and the success I have had. I am still 2 sizes smaller than I was when I started. I am still 50 lbs lighter (almost) than I was when I started. I am still much healthier than I was when I started - both physically and mentally. And, most importantly, I still like myself A LOT more than I did when I started. 


So, here is the lesson kids -- pay attention now... I am determined not to let the scale, or any other temporary set back for that matter, stop me. I am still going to take this 1 day at a time. Good decision by good decision. Bad decision by bad decision. And, when all else fails, I am going to continue to at least show up for meetings because, no matter the topic, they always seem to make me feel better and recharged.